You are exactly where you need to be.

When you see other people doing well and succeeding it is only natural to think, why does that never happen for me? When a relationship breaks down you then you suddenly see everyone being loved up and it being shoved down your throat how in love Susan that lives next door is. When we are struggling with our mental health and we see other people easily doing the same life as you. Easily managing their children, career, relationships, health and all with a macha latte and vegan diet.

But they aren't you, that isn't your path and we have to trust in the process. The truth is the more that we accept, that where we are now is enough and where we need to be, the less we will look at other people's life and feel envious or sad about our own lives.

I promise you that there will be a Mum on the school run, someone at work, a neighbour, or a stranger that catches you on a good day and in a good day and feels exactly the same way about you. Why does that person always have their shit together? As a single parent I have people in marriages saying that they are unhappy, how they don't know how I do everything as a single parent, and I wish that they could see what goes on behind closed doors.

If we look at our journey as a whole we will see that we have come along way, something that we deal with ease today we may have struggled a year ago. We can take one day at a time rather than being a slave to high expectations of looking from the outside in, on someone else's life. This journey we are on just means that we learn from our mistakes and become more self aware and, in turn, more self assured. We are all in this together and ultimately we are all completely different. So let's not give a shit about what the people are doing around us and make sure we put that energy into our paths.

On tomorrows @positivepeoplepodcast me and Fiona chat about jealousy and lay everything bare about this. We don't hold back! Released Wednesday at 2pm.

Amy HollandComment
Self love super power.

I KNOW that self love is being forced down our throats, and I also know how difficult it is. 
Sometimes, to do all the things you need to, to not drift into an out of control, fight or flight mode, is much easier and takes up less time and energy that constantly loving yourself. 
Constantly checking in with yourself, doing the things that you love and stopping that self sabotage (fuck off Sandra). Being proactive takes way more organising and effort, little things like if you have a busy of stressful week, making sure that you cook nutritious meals, fit in yoga and talk to a friend, is a lot more taxing that we give ourselves credit for. Being self aware, can also bring with it guilt and realisations that you were a dick and could've done better.
Self love is hard, consistent and constant work. It is a lifetime commitment to making sure that we are happy and healthy. It is leading the way for our children and teaching them that we are all important, and we are all worthy of love, happiness, care and attention. 
There are so many great things happening out there where we can feel good about showing ourselves kindness and acknowledging that we are a total super hero for keeping on with the rewarding slog that is self love.

Pull your socks up

There are so many things that I have heard over the years about people who have depression or anxiety. I don’t think people realise the strength, resilience and everything inbetween it takes to simply keep going. To all of those with any sort of mental health I think you’re brilliant. Here are some corkers, that I’ve heard:⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
- Pull your socks up⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
- You are being lazy⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
- You are attention seeking⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
- You are weak⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
And here are some responses that will make you think twice about how you respond or think about people with mental health...⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
- It is actually a chemical imbalance in the brain, so pulling up my socks will do nothing⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
- People with depression need more sleep, as they worry more and need therefore get less of the restorative sleep needed to repair⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
- Most people with depression or anxiety hide away and isolate themselves, if they have opened up about their mental health this will be a big deal to them⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
- Actually mental health will make you stronger, more resilient and bad ass⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Helpful things to say instead...⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
- Is there anything I can do?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
- Do you want to talk about it⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
- You are braver than you think and feel⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
- You won't always feel like this.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
- It's ok not to be ok⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
- I love you no matter what⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
- You aren't a burden⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
- You will get through this⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Rumination nation.

Rumination nation// I wanted to talk about rumination and those nasty thoughts that race around your head, and that at times it seems impossible to stop. But they have a huge impact on our mood, really bring us down and often ruin our day. I wanted to discuss this and talk about the ways that we can tackle rumination. The most important point to practice is realising that you are rumination. Also the acceptance that you are in control of these thoughts and feelings, and that you can bring yourself peace.

Here are some tips about rumination.

Talk to someone. Talking to someone about these horrid thoughts and inner dialogue can help you dissect and untangle the thoughts. Often the simple act of sharing these thoughts can stop them, which takes me onto the next tip.

Positive people. Make sure you have at least one person in your life that will listen to these worries and 'poisoned parrot' words, but most importantly this person will lift you and validate those thoughts. Sometimes there isn't always a solution, but having someone to say, 'that's ok to think that and/ or those thoughts aren't true because...'

Name your inner critic. By naming this bully and inner critic we are acknowledging that this person isn't truthful, and like a bully, when we stand up to them, this often stops them. It also brings in humour and the realisation of rumination and then telling our inner critic to fuck off, or go way does the trick. Mine is called Sandra and I tell her to fuck off most days. Just a note that it can't be someone that you know, and ex etc, it has to be a name that you have no connection with.

Realisation and action. If we find ourselves ruminating then then something powerful that you can do, is simply get up, or stop what you're doing and do something else. Take action. What will make me feel better? Going for a brisk walk, asking someone for a cuddle, writing these thoughts down? This isn't easy on your low days but even just physically getting up out of your seat and telling Sandra to fuck off will make a difference.

Evidence list. Finally, another tool is having a list of things that you are good at, people that love you, your biggest achievements and then put them somewhere so that when you are engulfed in rumination you have this evidence list. Write this list and add to it when you are feeling good.

Your potential is endless.

You have endless potential// Potential always felt like an insult when I was younger. "You have great potential, room for improvement, good but not quite good enough." Sounds like something Sandra would definitely say (my inner critic).

As we roll into the first official day of back to school/ work and normality, for most of us, I wanted us to embrace and accept our potential as being endless, not something that we reach. Rather than making bullshit new year's resolutions, we could take this time to plan, recoup and reset ourselves for the year ahead. I feel that making the grand gestures of NY resolutions means that we are setting ourselves up to fail. But what I have realised is that my potential, resilience and ambition are what is important. This is such a reflective time of year, but I like to choose other times of the year to do this aswell. By seasons, by the moon, by a certain date you'd like, whatever feels best for you. But don't just leave it a whole year before you realise that you can achieve lots, and also to look back on what you have done already. Plus 12 months is a long time to check in with yourselves to accept or acknowledge that you need a few changes in your life. You are worthy or happiness, health and love. So let's keep this potential rolling and I'm going to set some goals, check in with myself and vision board all through this year. My mantra that will live long into February will be 'I have endless potential, that knows no bounds.' NOW SAY IT WITH ME!

I'd love to know some of the things that you are determined to do over the next few days/weeks/months and year?

It's OK not to be merry and bright.

It’s OK not to be merry and bright this Christmas. I have had a lot of messages about feeling overwhelmed and anxious this Christmas. How ever you are feeling is valid, and it is really important to be armed with lots of resilience tools and different ways of surviving Christmas, even thriving. Here are some wise words from some wise owls on insta.
Emily Coxhead🎄 I’d say to just try and focus on as small amount as possible, focus on the stuff that matters and know you’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed... it’s a tough time for a lot of people and this time of year often highlights worries and struggles. It’s just another day.

Fiona Thomas🎄 Don’t feel obliged to say yes to things when you know you don’t have time! Instead reschedule for coffee or catch ups in January when you are in need of a friendly pick me up. Don’t beat yourself up about eating and drinking too much. There is temptation everywhere so you’re already at a disadvantage trying to be sensible. Enjoy what you want and just be sensible with portions and try to get your steps in to keep you feeling fit. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

 Suzie Reading🎄 it’s got to be the mantra: savour the good, make peace with the shitty! Don’t expect to enjoy every minute! Bear witness as it all unfolds and let the mantra help you suck the life out of the good bits and weather the rest. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 

Kat Nicholls 🎄Try and carve out some alone time if you know you’ll need it - socialising can be draining so schedule in breaks for yourself so you can re-energise. It can also help to write a list of strategies to help you cope if things get stressful - this might be going out for fresh air, calling a friend or even listening to some music. Keep this list with you and refer to it when you need to, sometimes in the moment it’s difficult to remember what really helps. 

Kelly Terranova 🎄Be with people who give you space to feel sad when u need to.
I think the consensus is that you are not alone in your feelings this Christmas.